actually, I'm a sock model
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
