Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
