The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't turn off my feet"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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