Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
