if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize