Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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