Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
