Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
