now i know why i became what i already was.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
