The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
