im six kinds of drunk right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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