Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
