i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
