I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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