i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
