I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
