I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
