you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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