I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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