the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize