we're chasing vodka with high fives
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
