She is in my trunk
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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