Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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