If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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