I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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