i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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