mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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