i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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