i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
