Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
