I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
