I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
