It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
