One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
