Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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