You made me cry and you don't even care
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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