oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize