Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
