I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
