So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
