Your dad touched me again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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