i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
