I looked at my own cervix.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
