i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
