Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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