Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
