I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
