so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
