Just fell off a train. Bad.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
