A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
