Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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