I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so let's talk penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
