i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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