Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
