I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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