Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
