but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize