She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
