What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
