Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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