He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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