It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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