i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
third nipple confirmed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
