I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
