Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
