you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Panties = found
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize