Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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