You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
