Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
