We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
