you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
