You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
