You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
