Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
