Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
