Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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