I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
