Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
