I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can Purell be used as lube?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
