the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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