i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
