I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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