Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
