It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
