so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have fence marks all over my body
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
