Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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