Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
